everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
