i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
