So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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