saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
