there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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