It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
last night I used snow as a chaser
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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