One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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