Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
