first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
