Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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