Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
