Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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