Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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