Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
