he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
