Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
