A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would ride that face into the sunset
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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