i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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