TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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