Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
