there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
