sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
