I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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