so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
