isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
