Pappa wants mamma naked
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
