Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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