Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
