My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
