Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
