don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
