Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
