so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
