had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
