soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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