i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
