Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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