Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
