did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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