and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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