Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
