I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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