And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
