Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
