WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
