Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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