My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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