smell my finger.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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