we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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