Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
